maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
