The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
