I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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