K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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