I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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