Moan for me like Helen Keller
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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