tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
