I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
