Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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