So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
