apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
