I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
