did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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