You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
