He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
