His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
