forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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