We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
