I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
