yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
