i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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