You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
