Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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