he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
