You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Don't make out with my wife yet
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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