just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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