One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
