Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
