Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
