he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
