True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
