...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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