Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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