The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
