After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
