Who wears a wallet chain?!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Houston, we have a blender
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We are all done wearing pants today
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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