why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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