I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
