I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
