You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
