see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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