is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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