I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
