Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
