Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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