trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
