I wish I could teleport
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
