I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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