honey bunches of taint.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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