just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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